An Empty Room

I once visited an empty room.

The space was not just void of matter, but also of mind.

I was in the room,

Yet, the room was completely empty.

No furniture, no pictures, no dust, no body.

No sound, nor silence. No light, nor dark.

EMPTY.

I was in the room.

The room was there.

Though, there was no floor, nor ceiling, there were walls.

It was a room after all--  

And I was there.

Past Due You

That furrow in your brow, that fake smile on your face;

Something must be wrong, something's out of place.

You just don't seem the same. Something's not quite right.

Something must be missing in the air tonight.

Or could it be-- could it just be me?

Could it be? Could it just be me?

Even how you look at me with those eyes--

Something looks different-- Almost not as bright.

Have you lost your hope, my dear? Have you lost your sight?

If you need me, I'm right here. I'll be by your side.

Then again, I might be wrong... 

But from what I see you're mostly gone.

So, then again, I must be right... 

And in that case, I'll help you fight.

Fight for the right to find the real you. 

Despite our lack of time, you need to tell yourself the whole truth.

No more of this trying to hide. Its past due time for you to fly.

And if I leave you'll be alright.

I'll do anything to help you try.

Words can only go so far

And when they’re gone it’s left to the heart.

I’ve tried to find the words to say

But the problem with words is they can be erased.

And it makes it hard for me to figure how to say

That everything you do just takes my breath away.

And all I can do is smile

And hope that you stay for just a little while more

And do all the things that we adore.

All I’m asking for

Is a little more time galore.

With you

But these words can only go so far

So I hope that you’re hearing my heart.

<3 :)

An Uncertain and Grim 'Goodbye': an account of what was said...

"I'm breaking down-- without a doubt, I need you now; 

But, by all means, don't fake it on my account.

Don't say 'goodbye' on my account!

"I just want the truth, without the cloud-- Just tell me now!

I want to hear how it sounds-- to be somewhere without a doubt.

So, leave me here, so I might be found;

 Leave me be on this solid ground.

 "Let no one know of the place where I go...

 I wish not my enemies such feelings like so.

 Close my eyes, and imagine my demise;

 You say it's not wise to trust in such lies.

 "Forget the season!-- I'm through with playing this part;

Can't find a reason-- I'm so deep in the dark;

Can't stop the bleeding-- my wings have fallen apart;

  Somewhere I've lost the key to my own heart.

"Expectations are not what they used to be...

I've been blinded by what I haven't seen.

Now, I'm tired of playing make-believe-- With you 

Inside my dreams: staring Fairy-tale Me. 

A Picture is Worth...

Pictures of who they used to be--

Did they realize who and what they would become?

 Did they want to become who they are now? 

Raised upon vanity. 

Snapshots of how things used to be.

 Those people in the pictures, bare a different struggle then they do now;

 A struggle which might, otherwise, have been forgotten. 

But now, the happiest- perhaps feigned- moment is preserved; 

For all to see. 

For all to envy. 

For all to remember.

    If every picture was captioned by both, the person in the picture, and the person who took the picture... 

What might such insight reveal? 

In one case, the photographer might've insisted on taking such a snapshot;

In another, one might've begged a stranger to help them preserve a moment in time--

 A moment, in which, is soon contaminated by two little words:

 "Say Cheese".

Inevitable Process

Packed green minivan and an empty brick house with a green door. Empty. Aside from teddy bear picnics and flower fairies which occupy rooms. Rooms filled with playtime and timeout memories alike. Heartbreaking farewells. “Hug me tight Muv, I don’t know when I’ll get to see you again. I don’t know about this California and I’m a little afraid.”

On the road, off to my new home.

Years later, I return to the brick house with the green door. Only this wasn’t the same house. The familiar screeching sound of a play set was gone. Along with the red-fruited plants I recall my mother pruning and sending my sister and me off to pick.

But the most impacting change… The once colorful and detailed friends of my childhood were painted over. White. Blank. My sister’s fairies left as well. I suppose they got lonely and decided to go find a new child to care for. I miss them. But I know now that it would’ve been impossible for me to stay with them forever. My inevitable departure merely sped up the process. The process of their loneliness and my growing up.

Refined

        

   I once heard the interesting fact of the Great Trees of California. The pine-cones of such a tree must first be set on fire.

 After an intentional scorching, seeds are released and the ones that are not harmed are free to begin in joining their relatives in the sky.

   The distant streaks of light I saw the night before ended up being closer to me than I thought.  The light spread across the mountain. The glowing menace threatened my life as I knew it to be. In searching for “necessary” items to rescue, I found my true treasures. These treasures could not be physically incinerated by fire.  They were revealed, like the great seeds, in the midst of the blaze.

Do Re Mi

On the days where I simply give up with words, 

I consult with the black and white keys and I converse with the strings. 

I wish we could all speak with music. 

Things would be less complicated.

 Pure emotion. 

Not a harmful or hurtful thing would be uttered.

Then again, neither would compliments or encouraging words.

 Or maybe they would be.

 Maybe they would find a way. 

Both extremes seem to always be able to be heard. 

The keys, the strings, the pure hollow sound. 

Music to my ears, music to my mouth.

The Last One

I was the last one to play the now-charred black and white keys. No tune will ever emerge from it ever again.

I was the last one to open the door to a room filled with several things: couches and a catalog-covered coffee table, a mountain of coats in the corner next to a piano.

I was the last one to walk across the partially spotted carpet. A floor with an explanation or story for each stain.

I was the last. Who am I to deserve this claim?

They were not my coats. They were not my memories. It was not my piano.

It was not my fault. Although, I cannot help the feeling of ‘what if?’.

Flashing lights and questions.

An empty coat rack. As if it were winter and every member of the family was using their winters best to fight off the bitter cold.

This bitterness, however, could not be avoided. The reality was as real as it could be.

No blame was placed, but instead, the family rises above the ashes. Refusing to let reality’s disease to leave them bitter. Not alone, but together. A combination of their memories is all that remains. And I know… I am not the last one.

The Silent Ruler of My Nights

The silent ruler of my nights. 

“I’ll do it tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow is where it thrives. 

Where the harvest of this vicious cycle is reaped.

 And yet, with my full awareness, I let it begin again.

 The Tomorrow Me can deal with it.

 How much more can my future self, handle? 

This disease of time-wasting ironically might be my most productive state.

 It is amazing what our minds come up with while avoiding, perhaps, an even less daunting task. 

“If I could just solve this unrelenting paradox…”

Time. 

The worst enemy of those who fall victim. 

And yet, if allowed more extra, the results would probably not change.

 The real danger is Perspective Perception. 

Tomorrow Me will always seem more willing than Today Me… Tomorrow Me, however, could not disagree more! 

Today Me’s biggest regret is Yesterday Me’s decision to allow Time to approach Tomorrow Me’s duty. 

Restless Heart

Seasons changing. People fading. Dreams are crashing down.

 Top of the world has never seemed so close, until your back on the ground. 

Words unspoken haunt the hopeless. Tears are falling down. 

Back to the start with your restless heart, let’s try to get higher now.

Well enough has been said and you’re tired of regret.

 Where do you go and how?

I can’t live with this mentality for sure it will get the best of me.

 I’ll waste away and never change, starving for a better day.

 I choose to live this new reality. The one with Your love inside of me. 

The one where I choose to lose control, and trust in You that You won’t let go.

Easier said than done. I can’t even see this love.

 I heard You were the one.

 Where are You now? 

You’re not lost, You just haven’t been found. 

And by these negative thoughts I am easily bound.

 Set me free. Make me new. Open up my heart to You.