As I Should Be

Help me to see that I'm made new
When I am found in You.

You see me as You know how
You made me from the start.
No matter where I am,
You love this sinner's heart.
No matter what I've done,
You love this sinner's heart.
No matter what I am,
You love my heart.

When I don't feel like I measure up,
And I find myself doubting this love,
You pursue me relentlessly till I am on my knees
Laying my everything at the cross,
As it should be.
Abandoning all fear and shame for they have no place
in the light of your redeeming grace.

Hallelujah, you see me as you made me!
Hallelujah, this love makes me free!
Hallelujah, you're the king I long to sing to "Hallelujah"!

Letting Go

      For me, time passes by way too quickly. When I was younger I would anticipate certain milestones such as going to high school and getting my driver’s license. At first, it seemed time couldn't come quick enough, but by the time I became a freshman I realized that I should probably slow down and enjoy my time; after all, my long anticipated liberation from an awkward childhood was steadily becoming my reality and I knew that it would soon take over. Now, whether I am enjoying myself or I am under a time sensitive stress, minutes and hours of a day pass too quickly. I try to make the most of every hour during my day so that each day of my week is filled with things that are worth my time. This makes it a lot easier for me because it’s comforting to know that I am spending my time wisely. I try to continually keep this habit of perspective in check so that I will not waste my current time while being anxious for another time—whether it be past or present.

      This past year has been the most prevalent in my desire to hold on to time. The people I have met, the family I have lost, the things I have learned, and the sense of stability I have acquired in the past year have all contributed to my reluctance to move forward. I will be moving soon, and the days are literally counting down to a new season of change in my life.  A season where most of the things on that list vanish or are all of a sudden made irrelevant and trivial. Thinking about this pains me because part of me—a very large part—doesn't want to let go. The other part of me however, knows how important my perspective is of this situation. By keeping a clear perspective of the future, but still a grateful attitude for the present, my pain is eased and time becomes and accessory in my life—an accessory that, rather than stealing precious moments, makes them possible. 

A Picture is Worth...

Pictures of who they used to be--

Did they realize who and what they would become?

 Did they want to become who they are now? 

Raised upon vanity. 

Snapshots of how things used to be.

 Those people in the pictures, bare a different struggle then they do now;

 A struggle which might, otherwise, have been forgotten. 

But now, the happiest- perhaps feigned- moment is preserved; 

For all to see. 

For all to envy. 

For all to remember.

    If every picture was captioned by both, the person in the picture, and the person who took the picture... 

What might such insight reveal? 

In one case, the photographer might've insisted on taking such a snapshot;

In another, one might've begged a stranger to help them preserve a moment in time--

 A moment, in which, is soon contaminated by two little words:

 "Say Cheese".

The Silent Ruler of My Nights

The silent ruler of my nights. 

“I’ll do it tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow is where it thrives. 

Where the harvest of this vicious cycle is reaped.

 And yet, with my full awareness, I let it begin again.

 The Tomorrow Me can deal with it.

 How much more can my future self, handle? 

This disease of time-wasting ironically might be my most productive state.

 It is amazing what our minds come up with while avoiding, perhaps, an even less daunting task. 

“If I could just solve this unrelenting paradox…”

Time. 

The worst enemy of those who fall victim. 

And yet, if allowed more extra, the results would probably not change.

 The real danger is Perspective Perception. 

Tomorrow Me will always seem more willing than Today Me… Tomorrow Me, however, could not disagree more! 

Today Me’s biggest regret is Yesterday Me’s decision to allow Time to approach Tomorrow Me’s duty.